So there I stood Monday night in my only sewing time of the day starring at my bulging fabric cupboard and instead of sewing the pile of bibs that lay by my machine ready for finishing off for the local shop in town, I found myself wondering 'What If'.
You see it all started on Sunday morning with a phone call. The call that stops you in your tracks, a call that makes you wish you were still a child and unaware of life's wicked twist and turns. A phone call that seems all to common these days, the call that tells of another tortured soul that has decided to pass away. That call that makes you shiver and wonder why.
So here my OH was listening to a kind and loving mother telling him of her loss of her son and asking him if he will still please tend her garden just as he always does on a Monday as the plants will still grow. So we carry on our day taking the kids out for a 'scoot' on Dartmoor and we watch and we laugh as our 2yr old, who has very quickly mastered her Christmas scooter, overtakes her 4yr brother who has a somewhat more relaxed action on his scooter and we take in the stunning views and we walk and we talk and then we go silent and you just know without words being exchanged that your minds have wandered to the same place, the place of unknown and you find yourself looking at your children and you can't help but hope that they are happy. And that's it, a parents hope for their child, not fame or fortune but happiness and fulfilment. You look into their eyes as they laugh and gaze back at you and you hope that they will be the ones seeing you into your grave.
So there I found myself Monday evening staring at my fabric stash and wondering what would happen to it all if I was to die suddenly. And I imagine the scene and the conversation as my family empty my cupboard and the four Orla Kiely Tesco bags overspilling with fabric 'What an earth did she intend to do with all this!?'
And then I start hunting. Searching for those 6inch squares that I cut this time last year that were suppose to become a large cosy quilt that we would all spend winter snuggled under. And there they were neglected and forgotten about at the back of my cupboard and I start to pull out new fabric and to cut more squares. And the pile of 'important' bibs were no longer as important as they had been before Sunday. And that sometimes it really would be good to get things finished before too much more life passes by.